- How Society Shames Men Dating Trans Women - Janet Mock
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In organic chemistry, if the two biggest 8775 groups 8776 of the molecule are on the same side of the molecule it is a 8775 cis-oriented molecule. 8776 If the two biggest groups are on opposite sides of the molecule, it is a 8775 trans-oriented molecule. 8776 So, cis-gender is saying that a person 8767 s gender identity is on the 8775 same side 8776 of the gender binary as their biological sex, and trans-gender is saying that a person 8767 s gender identity is on the opposite side of the gender binary as their biological sex.
How Society Shames Men Dating Trans Women - Janet Mock
Thank you for posting this wonderful article. It really gives me strength, i actually just share this on my timeline so that people would able to read this and realize that yeah we trans women are worthy to be seen in public with man that were no difference from a woman they seem to know well.
8775 We are not secrets. We are not shameful. We are worthy of respect, desire, and love. As there are many kinds of women, there are many kinds of men, and many men desire many kinds of women, trans women are amongst these women. And let’s be clear: Trans women are women 8776 I LOVE THIS!
Why Tamera Mowry Cried to Oprah About Her Interracial
I 8767 m an Emmy award winning television news reporter, helicopter pilot, retired medic, and transwoman worthy of love. Early in my transition my plastic surgeon warned me of the oppression I will face should I choose to date men. Not because I 8767 m not attractive, kind , or smart, but because of the very things you speak of in your heartfelt essay. How can expect to find a man to love, honor, and cherish me if my own family, including my daughter treats me as something less than human.
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I am against violence towards anyone, and would like to see any miscreant who abuses anyone be put under the jail. I believe in tolerance. Everyone should be able to live the life they choose, how they choose to live i as long as they aren 8767 t hurting anyone, be they straight, gay, trans, bisexual, or nonsexual. But having said that, why is is so important for gay people to be out and proud, but it 8767 s a private matter for a transgender person to reveal themselves? Why not be proud of that too? I don 8767 t get the hypocrisy.
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I would indeed be one of these people who would be accused of being 8775 chasers 8776 (though I haven 8767 t really done tha much actual chasing, just that I prefer trans women (amongst other groups) and tend to light up with confidence when I hear that a girl is trans.. But I must disagree with the narrative that is being presented here concerning this being symptomatic of the mythical boogeyman 8775 The Patriarchy 8776 : The fact is that allot of this comes from Feminism and even incresingly amongst transfeminists too, whereupon a man (particularly a non-alpha who is considered average or not all that impressive socially) is defined as being an objectifying fetishist if he has a specific desire and attraction for trans girls (and we won 8767 t even TALK about what might happen if he is especially fond of pre-op!), like he might think that he will relate to them better, or that they might understand him a little more, and is thus usually shunned as creepy and oppressive due to his simply being seen as second grade and thus unfullfilling or validating to the psyche of the transperson.
Kimora Lee Simmons shows daughter at prom - Mail Online
The point is, society needs to get off it 8767 s high horse, and just accept the fact that the gender binary does not exist. Dr. Kinsey showed many years ago that human sexuality lies across a spectrum, and that very few people are totally heterosexual, or totally homosexual. Most of us are floating in the middle. With modern genetic testing, this fact is being seen not just as a psychological factor, but as a physical factor as well. Biological females with male chromosomes, true inter-sexed people who are both male and female, males who naturally develop feminine breasts at puberty, despite having high testosterone levels, and the list goes on and on.
Thank you for this article Janet. I have my own YouTube page where I am addressing the same issue. I have been trans attractive for most of my adult life. It took me about 67 to 65 years to be able to deal with it. I allowed society to dictate what kind of a man I am. Only after I lost someone was very close to me that I truly understand the damage that I was doing to the transwomen I was dating. Now I 8767 ve become an advocate speaking up and letting everyone know that there 8767 s nothing wrong with loving a woman who just so happens to be trans. I have become a better man for it.
I 8767 m not saying your other concerns are invalid, nor is it necessarily invalid to consider one 8767 s social standing when deciding whom to date although persons with lots of 8775 social capital 8776 should perhaps be aware of the degree to which the status they enjoy is based upon societal bigotry towards various other persons, in relation to whom their own standing is thereby increased, and with this in mind, may wish to consider relinquishing a little of their social capital so that others who are less respected by society may have a little more of it. After all, there aren 8767 t (nor should there be) any taxes on social capital, or on looks, or on desirability, which creates I think something of a moral obligation for those who are blessed in one or more of these regards to wield their social power conscientiously and with kindness.
All of that aside. I am very curious about the whole gender issue I get really confused. I mean, I have never questioned my own gender, but I honestly believe that if I were born with man parts, I would be perfectly content living as a guy. I just am not sufficiently motivated to do so. Anyway, what I 8767 m trying to get at is this: what does it mean to 8775 feel like a woman 8776 or 8775 be a woman 8776 born as a biological male? If it doesn 8767 t matter who does what jobs or takes on which societal roles and responsibilities, why does gender matter at all? Thus, why would a person feel the need to change their gender? I hate cooking, I hate cleaning, and I love math and physics. I don 8767 t want kids. The only particularly 8775 girl 8776 thing about me is that I enjoy showing off my boobs and/or doing my hair/makeup from time to time. But not very frequently. I mean, ok, I don 8767 t like using the word woman at all. Maybe it 8767 s the biologist in me, but I prefer the term 8775 female. 8776 From my perspective, the box I check on government forms, or on facebook, is a biological fact not a statement about who I am as a person.
Personally, i am guilty of using the term 8766 chasers 8767 and i acknowledge that i shouldn 8767 t, for the reasons expressed so well in your article. However, in my defense, or at least for the benefit of clarity, i have found that some people are attracted to me *because* i am trans. That feels objectifying and is often accompanied by a sort of arrogant attitude that i should be grateful they have taken an interest in me. I do not like being taken for granted or assumed to be available just by virtue of my gender. I know that women have experienced this since time immemorial, so there is nothing unusual about this. However, that for me has been my experience of 8766 chasers 8767 and that is why i do not find their attentions in any way flattering or welcome. Nevertheless, in light of the discussion here, i shall endeavour to be more forgiving in future and will avoid using labels that demean others.
I identify as pansexual as well, but for a long time I identified as a lesbian. As a teen, I was ignorant about trans experience. I didn 8767 t understand how anyone 8775 could choose to change their gender. 8776 As I got older, I met people who helped me shed that ignorance and open my mind. I went on a date with someone who was genderqueer back in 7559. Their gender made no difference to me, I liked them for who them was. It was then, I realized that gender was no longer such a defining factor in terms of dating for me. I 8767 ve dated and had crushes on a few trans people. I 8767 m glad you wrote this piece because people need to be made aware that shaming is harmful and unacceptable. It 8767 s something I 8767 ve experienced as a woman with a disability. Trans women are women and they are beautiful! If I was dating a trans woman, I wouldn 8767 t let anyone shame either one of us. Women are women, love is love.
As Janet Mock wrote, 8775 If a man dares to be seen with a trans woman, he will likely lose social capital so he must adamantly deny, vehemently demean, trash and/or exterminate the woman in question. He must do this to maintain his standing in our patriarchal society. For a man to be associated with a trans women, in effect, is to say that he is no longer a 8766 real 8767 man (as if such a thing exists) because he sleeps with 8766 fake 8767 women (as if such a thing exists). 8776
WOW! I am so fortunate that the Transfolk I know don 8767 t know YOU. My last comment to a friend who is transitioning was, 8775 I am so glad to see you. You seem like yourself. You didn 8767 t before. 8776 SHE was an angry, difficult individual before. Now, she is calm and comfortable (even though I won 8767 t be makeup shopping with her anytime soon!)
I am even more glad that the people I know who desire to transition probably won 8767 t read your comment. You live in a sick community of self-centered individuals. Glen Beck would love you, if he had the guts.
That issue aside however, I believe there is much truth in Janet 8767 s overall observation. The threat to a cisgender man (or woman, for that matter) of losing 8775 social capital 8776 over being publicly associated with a transwoman in a romantic context is I think a real one that exists as a potent consideration apart from any of the behavioral manners or sartorial choices of individual t-girls. Your comment seems to come close to tackling this key and awkward issue, but never really quite does so.
My life has never been what others wanted it to be but my own. Who I am is really none of anyone 8767 s business. I am a Post op transexual and the men I have dated before were all straight men who knew what they wanted to be with. Most will hide in the dark but just as nice in the light. men are men and the ONE reason they seek Trans women is because we 8767 re are REAL. We don 8767 t hate yet struggle hard to live our own happy life.
What about people born with Inter sex conditions? Should they say they are less of a woman when they have XY-male chromosomes? They are practically in the same boat as post op trans women.
There are so many people born with DNA / genetic differences It 8767 s impossible to refine gender in 8775 genetics 8776 or 8775 reproducing 8776 You know there are males born with female genetics who can reproduce AS A MALE? Even though their genetics say they are female. Pretty much all you are saying is non-sense and It is putting a group of people down, when In fact you as a woman are in the same group with trans women in society and in law.
On my myriad social networks, from the phenomenally popular Face-oogle-twit to the NSFW at a whorehouse (like Fetlife listed above) I always use my common-law and now legal name (Vallin SFAS to anyone who missed it). I am direct and adamant in my love, admiration, and attraction to transwomen. I am friends and lovers of many, and public in my sentiments. I am freely open to dating any transwomen with whom mutual desire is evident (You KNOW who you are. I 8767 m in Decatur and Midtown ATL. Look me up!). If anyone has a problem with that, then YOU have a problem
When the question or topic of proper title or gender comes up, all the Trans women I know are ready to go in Mike Tyson style bite some one in the ear and punch them in the face. I cant be with somebody like that in public, This wild stuff outside of the bedroom is too much to deal with. You have to consider the lifestyle and career of some one before you expect to be taken into acceptance. There is so much vocabulary & terms that you girls prefer on an individual basis. I saw Isis King politely correct Howard Stern on his show. If Trans women are calling out society and wanting to be seen then come out into society like any one else. That would make dating one of you easier.
This is a great article, thanks for posting. I think it goes for anyone who dates any trans person. I 8767 ve had my lesbian status questioned more times than I care to count for *daring* to date a trans woman, moreover one with a high level of confidence and self-esteem. We are both faced with stigma for who we are a lesbian trans woman seems to be less acceptable than a straight one as a cis lesbian dating a trans woman I encounter more raised eyebrows and criticism than if I were with another cis woman. However I do believe the problem is worse for men dating trans women there isn 8767 t room in a patriachal, cissexist society for a man to openly express loyalty and love for a trans woman without having a reinforced steel barricade to protect him from the so called 8766 scandal 8767 of his life choices. I was told recently, 8766 You know, it would 8767 ve been easier just to date a *normal* [by which he meant cis] woman. 8767 Case in point. I didn 8767 t realise love was supposed to be 8766 easy 8767 ..
let me start by saying I 8767 ve always been a straight guy who has fallen in love with a girl who just happens to be trans. I knew she was when we first started dating. I only think of her as all woman to me but run into comments on a daily basis of her commenting on how ugly she feels or feels like she looks like a boy when in fact she is one of the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I always try to reassure her how beautiful she is. 8766 m proud of her for who she is and I don 8767 t care who thinks different. My love for her is unconditional and I hope one day to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her transgender or not.More images «Kimora ex husband dating»
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