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Date: 2017-08-12 13:48.

Roger 8767 s therapist was very skeptical. 8775 She kept saying, 8766 This can 8767 t be legal. It 8767 s prostitution. I could lose my license.' 8776 Roger urged her to read an Internet interview with Blanchard and to call her. The therapist balked. Finally, Roger said, 8775 Your license is safe if I see a prostitute and tell you about it. What 8767 s wrong with seeing a surrogate and telling you about it? I want to work with you on this, but if you won 8767 t work with me, I 8767 ll go to California and see a therapist there. 8776 His therapist relented (and has since become a big supporter of surrogate therapy for older virgins).

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Over several daily three-hour sessions, Blanchard and Roger talked extensively about his life, past and present, and Blanchard directed him in relaxation and touching exercises. 8775 First, she had me touch an apple, then a comb, then other objects to experience what sensual touch feels like. 8776 They talked about what he felt. 8775 Next, she asked me to touch my own arms and face. 8776 They talked some more. Then she offered her hands, arms and eventually her face for him to explore, and she touched his arms, feet and face.

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Roger says he 8767 s 8775 getting ready to date. 8776 He 8767 s working to quit smoking, and he 8767 s drinking less. 8775 They 8767 re bad habits that turn women off. 8776 He 8767 s decided not to place or answer any personals. 8775 They 8767 re too impersonal. I want human contact. 8776 He 8767 s toying with joining a gym, in part to meet women and in part to break the habit of his isolated evening ritual. He plans to join a scuba club that caters to singles. And he says he 8767 s intrigued by speed-dating.

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Living in near isolation, Roger found solace in computers. It was the mid-6975s. He became a hobbyist like the techies who invented PCs. After college, his computer skills and family connections landed him a job with a data-management company. 8775 The work wasn 8767 t difficult. The hard part was dealing with customers. But I needed the paycheck. I used the phone a lot. It was easier than face-to-face contact. When I had to meet people, I forced myself. 8776 Co-workers and clients invited him out for lunch or drinks, but Roger declined. 8775 I couldn 8767 t shift from technical topics to social conversation, so I never socialized. I couldn 8767 t. After work, I just went home and spent my free time by myself, except for the one night a week I had dinner with my parents. 8776

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Once they both felt comfortable being naked together, Blanchard eased Roger into mutual whole-body massage. Roger caressed her face, arms, belly, legs and eventually, with Blanchard 8767 s permission, her breasts. 8775 Touching her breasts, 8776 he recalls, 8775 was very intense. Vena 8767 s breasts are fantastic. I think it 8767 s the most wonderful thing in the world to touch a woman there. 8776 Eventually their massage exercises included genital caressing with lubricant.

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Friends invited him to parties, but he never attended. After a while, they stopped asking. 8775 I became skilled at pushing people away. I don 8767 t think anyone ever tried to fix me up. I wouldn 8767 t let them. I think they thought I was gay. 8776 But he knew he wasn 8767 t. At one point, he tried a dating service, but that went nowhere. 8775 I just didn 8767 t have the social skills for dating, and the older I got, the more different I felt from everyone else, the more handicapped. 8776

“I was a middle-aged virgin”

During their last few days together, Blanchard and Roger talked a great deal about his next step dating. 8775 It 8767 s hard for me to imagine, 8776 Roger says. 8775 People say: Just do it, just ask someone out. But I 8767 m still so shy, so inexperienced. The prospect is frightening. 8776 Blanchard suggested some books for him to read, among them, 8775 Dating for Dummies. 8776 And he 8767 s been discussing the challenges of dating with his psychotherapist as well.

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Roger felt uncomfortable with the idea of oral sex, so they didn 8767 t explore it. But by the end of his second week with Blanchard, he asked if they might have vaginal intercourse. Some surrogates don 8767 t do this, but Blanchard agreed. 8775 The intercourse itself was not that big a deal, 8776 Roger explains. 8775 I mean, I was glad to have it. I was glad I wasn 8767 t a virgin anymore, that I 8767 d finally 8766 done it. 8767 But I didn 8767 t need it more than once. Our whole process of becoming physically intimate and talking about it was much more important to me. I felt freed from some of my shame about being so naive and confused about sex. I actually enjoyed whole-body massage more than I enjoyed intercourse, especially touching Vena 8767 s face and breasts. 8776

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Roger is not alone. There are no studies on the prevalence of virginity over 85, but many of the nation 8767 s sex therapists report a small, steady stream of older-virgin clients. During 78 years in practice, California psychologist David Johnston says he 8767 s counseled 55 middle-aged virgins, collaborating with various surrogate partners. 8775 One was 77. A few have been women. But the vast majority have been men in their 85s or 95s. 8776

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Blanchard talked with Roger 8767 s psychotherapist daily. She also provided Roger with basic sex education. Many older virgins have never had much, she says. 8775 I often lend them books written for adolescents because developmentally, around sex, that 8767 s how old they feel. 8776 Blanchard also answers clients 8767 sex questions: Does my penis look weird? What 8767 s a tampon? How do you unfasten a bra? What 8767 s the real story about the clitoris, G-spot, and women 8767 s orgasms?

Eventually, Blanchard suggested they discuss the possibility of undressing. 8775 That was nerve-racking, 8776 Roger recalls. 8775 I was a blubbering fool for a few minutes. 8776 So Blanchard encouraged him to imagine how disrobing would feel. They discussed it. She asked how far he wanted to go with undressing. The first time, Roger chose to stop at their underwear. 8775 I really wanted to see her breasts and genitals, but I didn 8767 t want her to see my erection. 8776 They stood facing each other, Roger in his bulging shorts, Blanchard in a bra and panties. 8775 She talked me through looking at her body. I looked at her hair, eyes, nose, shoulders, and on down, scanning everything very slowly and methodically, getting accustomed to it. 8776 The next day, Roger felt comfortable getting completely undressed and revealing his erection. 8775 It was fine. It just took me a little while to get used to the idea. 8776 Next they spent time looking at each other together in the mirror. 8775 Seeing himself in the mirror next to a friendly naked woman helped make it real for him, 8776 Blanchard recalls.

Roger 8767 s psychiatrist prescribed anti-anxiety medication (Xanax) and an antidepressant (Anafranil). But he wanted more than drugs, so he contacted a clinical psychologist, who urged him into group therapy to deal with his shyness. 8775 I hated the group. I didn 8767 t want to talk. I was too shy and clammed up. 8776 The group quickly learned that his issue was profound shyness, especially around dating, and reassured him that it was challenging for everyone. 8775 They seemed to think that their reassurances would allow me to step out and date. No way. I just couldn 8767 t. 8776 At one point, a man in the group confessed sexual frustration and said he might go to California and have sex with a surrogate. (Most surrogates work in California because it 8767 s unambiguously legal there.) Roger had never heard of surrogates. Soon after, he left the group and opted for individual psychotherapy. He 8767 s been with his current therapist, a woman, for six years. He likes her and feels she 8767 s helping him. But he still wasn 8767 t dating. He was still a virgin.

OkCupid s blog sits firmly in the all-time-favorite dating blog spot in my head, and has for years - and would hit #6 on this list easily, if only they updated a lot more than they do. Having said that, there s good reason for their lackadaisical publishing schedule: no only does OkCupid crunch the data from their members and analyze it intricately and usefully, they also create fun and oftentimes eye-opening graphs giving their readers a better idea as to what they re trying to get across. This kind of intensity takes time, and I get it. I just wish it didn t take so much time. More

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